We won't sleep together?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
