My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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