I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
