I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
