just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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