If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
