I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
