please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
