Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
