Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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