A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
