If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
