I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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