i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
