shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
