i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
