He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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