i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
