ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
