Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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