Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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