Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
