So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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