he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
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i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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