Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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