my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
