the condom got lost in my hair
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
