everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
