If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
