i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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