singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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