I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
His hands were made for my vagina.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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