I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
