so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
