Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
