my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
