i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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