Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
