I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
