youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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