My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
