When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
