i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
