The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She bit a glass in half.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My bed smells like the plague
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
