I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
