so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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