Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
