Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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