One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
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I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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