I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
