shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
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Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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