Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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