I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
