Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
