I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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