I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
