Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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