Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
