i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
