respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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