do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
