Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
