he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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