I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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