Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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