but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize